If I Were Straight...

Tonight I went out to see all the crazies on State Street. As was expected, the cheering throngs were spilling out into the street. Consorting with this confounded gaggle left me with one very strong feeling, that being the fact that if I were straight, I would NEVER get laid!As I am standing at the bar at Q's Sushi-A-GoGo a nice young girl approaches me clad in a hot pink college skirt. We get to talking, classes, profs, Isla Vista... the usual. But then she stops me dead sentence and exclaims "wow, you have beautiful teeth!"What do I say? "Yeah, I know."I get a strange look and she is gone in a huff of J Lo Glow. What did I do? How did I kill the mood? I am at a loss. But then it hits me... Oh, she was working her "game." She thought our mind-numbingly banal conversation was flirting. Haha... no mam... not in the slightest. You see, if a gay boy were to tell me I had good teeth, he would also want to know what kind of bleach I use to keep them pearly white. He would also know how painful my braces were and guess that, like a 13 year old, I sleep with a retainer, every night. It goes the same with "nice body/hair/tan/clothes/shoes/etc" comments. We know the cost of beauty and thus, complimenting it in a "wow, you are sure purty" does nothing to degrade our hard work. No one has to tell a pretty gay boy that he is pretty because more than likely he knows its cost in money, sweat, and tears.So if that is how you straights do it, I would rather take my hand-on-the-crotch-as-I-pass-by-because-I-couldn't-find-a-better-place-to-put-it=wanna-make-out? flirting any day. Leave your small talk for the boys who don't know how to match because I just don't get it.