I ha...

I have gotten way too much sun for it to only be the third day of summer.I am the same color as my DARK BROWN UGG BOOTS! This was pointed out to me by my waiter at Chevy's... I need to NEVER LIFEGUARD AGAIN!

Fun thing...

Fun things going on in My life...* Hot new lifeguard is a possible Mo* Two days into summer and I ain't sunburnt!* Moving in four days... It's cute, it's pink, it's "La Bunderosa Grande!"* Blair got us a pink couch to match!* In the shower yesterday I saw two interesting things... a. The smallest penis on a man EVER... his naked son's was twice the size (the son was 4 or 5) b. One of my gym crushes was also naked... and a little chubby for showering!*There is a retarded kid who comes to the pool, each day his care taker brings in a new, SUPERFUCKINGHOT guy to play with the kid. I want her job! * Jenn and Brad were spotted again at CantinaThis is neither fun nor amusing... I have no life... I work too much... can't wait for next week when everyone comes back!

Too much sun!

Last night, after a strenuous day of lifeguarding and swim instructing, I dreamt I was in a horrific fight with my good friend/employer David Beckham. Who knows what the fight was about but it was big enough that I wanted nothing to do with that fucking selfish asshole ever again. But poor Victoria... all she wanted was for us to put our petty differences behind us. Not for the sake of my babysitting career, but for our friendship. I woke up before I had made up but I feel we were moving to resolve things.Anyways, the real point of this story it just to say that when I glanced at this months Vanity Fair all I could think of is how I missed babysitting for Posh and Beck.

If I Were Straight...

Tonight I went out to see all the crazies on State Street. As was expected, the cheering throngs were spilling out into the street. Consorting with this confounded gaggle left me with one very strong feeling, that being the fact that if I were straight, I would NEVER get laid!As I am standing at the bar at Q's Sushi-A-GoGo a nice young girl approaches me clad in a hot pink college skirt. We get to talking, classes, profs, Isla Vista... the usual. But then she stops me dead sentence and exclaims "wow, you have beautiful teeth!"What do I say? "Yeah, I know."I get a strange look and she is gone in a huff of J Lo Glow. What did I do? How did I kill the mood? I am at a loss. But then it hits me... Oh, she was working her "game." She thought our mind-numbingly banal conversation was flirting. Haha... no mam... not in the slightest. You see, if a gay boy were to tell me I had good teeth, he would also want to know what kind of bleach I use to keep them pearly white. He would also know how painful my braces were and guess that, like a 13 year old, I sleep with a retainer, every night. It goes the same with "nice body/hair/tan/clothes/shoes/etc" comments. We know the cost of beauty and thus, complimenting it in a "wow, you are sure purty" does nothing to degrade our hard work. No one has to tell a pretty gay boy that he is pretty because more than likely he knows its cost in money, sweat, and tears.So if that is how you straights do it, I would rather take my hand-on-the-crotch-as-I-pass-by-because-I-couldn't-find-a-better-place-to-put-it=wanna-make-out? flirting any day. Leave your small talk for the boys who don't know how to match because I just don't get it.

Patchwark Pants...

Tonight, in the midst of my finals studying madness I received an email from a Brandon... he wanted to meet up and talk about the UC London program. I was to meet him at Java Jones at 930pm... he would be the one in the "Brown Patchwork Pants." Fag!As I arrive I search the scene for the alleged BPP's. There he is, cute as a button in brown tweed, tight as shit, patchwork pants. And we are both wearing shirts from True Grit (for those who don't know Santa Barbara shopping, True Git is an Immensely expensive, yet sort of above the trend store that bi weekly robs me of my parents hard earned money... please see entry on G-Star sweatshirt for more info) Anyways, he must be gay, I could smell it in the TTYL on his e-mail.We get to talking about London, the housing, the food, school, travel, you know, bull shit.But then he brings up clubs... finally something I am truly educated in... I tell him about the hot spots, Trash, Heaven, Nag Nag Nag, G-A-Y, Ku Bar... and then he drops the bomb..."so did you, uh, hook up with lots of chicks in London?" What the fuck, are you kidding me sir?I had to spell out my homosexuality for the first time in my life. I had no idea how to even start. "well, all those clubs are pretty much GAY... hence Club G-A-Y!" Come on BPP... I almost liked you. Please, go to London and let me be the first one you email when you unsuspectingly sit on a dick![Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] "http://www.beeyeglad.com/bear%20pants%20side.jpg">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]Tonight, in the midst of my finals studying madness I received an email from a Brandon... he wanted to meet up and talk about the UC London program. I was to meet him at Java Jones at 930pm... he would be the one in the "Brown Patchwork Pants." Fag!As I arrive I search the scene for the alleged BPP's. There he is, cute as a button in brown tweed, tight as shit, patchwork pants. And we are both wearing shirts from True Grit (for those who don't know Santa Barbara shopping, True Git is an Immensely expensive, yet sort of above the trend store that bi weekly robs me of my parents hard earned money... please see entry on G-Star sweatshirt for more info) Anyways, he must be gay, I could smell it in the TTYL on his e-mail.We get to talking about London, the housing, the food, school, travel, you know, bull shit.But then he brings up clubs... finally something I am truly educated in... I tell him about the hot spots, Trash, Heaven, Nag Nag Nag, G-A-Y, Ku Bar... and then he drops the bomb..."so did you, uh, hook up with lots of chicks in London?" What the fuck, are you kidding me sir?I had to spell out my homosexuality for the first time in my life. I had no idea how to even start. "well, all those clubs are pretty much GAY... hence Club G-A-Y!" Come on BPP... I almost liked you. Please, go to London and let me be the first one you email when you unsuspectingly sit on a dick!<img src "http://www.beeyeglad.com/bear%20pants%20side.jpg">

Letter to a hottie

Dear hottie swimmer,I know we just met and all, but I have to say that I am in love with you.I guess it was a little awkward that I asked to swim in your lane because of the numerous open lanes, but as said before "I only swim backstroke in THIS lane!" But does it matter? Our paths would have crossed some other time. I just sped up the process by throwing a kick board at you to get your attention.By the way, did I mention that I like your speedo? Yes, I do. I find it very flattering. And how your ass hangs out an inch or so... so provocative. I find your tanned upper asscrack to be a huge turn on... wait, don't go.You are swimming fly today I can see. Hey, me too. And if our hands smack together... I wont mind. It will only give me greater excuse to touch your big shoulders and kindly ask you if you are ok too. Wow, what muscular shoulders you have... did you swim in high school? Yeah, me too. What High School... La Canada... oh right, it is written on your speedo in lime green (to match your goggles?) Right, I knew that before. Perhaps we could get together some other time and swim? I would like that a lot. Oh, that is your girlfriend... I guess you do have to go. I love you, you know...Nathan

I will die alone and hungry...

...according to my father.I just got off the phone with Pappa Carden and I made the HUGE mistake of telling him that it may be possible to graduate a couple of quarters early. But then, second mistake, I told him that I would probably just stay in school and walk with my class. Four years for college was promised to me and now I am a selfish asshole.He proceeds to tell me how I am completely cut off post graduation ceremony and that I better get myself a job because he is refusing to ever help me again. wow thanks Dad.He says he wants his life back... his life. He says that for the past 25 years (how long he and my mother have been married) he hasn't lived the life he has wanted and now it is his turn. Well, Fuck you dad for being such an inconvenience to you. I am sorry for the horrible way I have treated you. I mean, being on the Dean's List at a top university, what gaul. Who do I think I am? To take his money and do that... what an insult, right? Hey dad, FUCK YOU!

Weekly update...

I think i have buyers remorse. I didn't think it really happen but this $130 questionably pink G-Star sweatshirt has been making me feel guiltier than that damn child I locked under the stairs. I don't want to return it but I am A) embarrassed to wear it out and B) I think it is SO FUCKING RAD!

Let the HELL begin!

So as many of you unique quarter students know, Dead Week is here! But what exactly does that mean? For most of us, classes just blow through this week as normal, if not at triple time. New material is seemingly added seconds before final exams are taken. I do not like this.This year I think we should stage a "walk out." Come on guys and gals, join the protest, we all walk out and meet on the cafeteria lawn at 11:07am. Or we should all just drop our books instead. Wouldn't that be so funny!

...

My bread went bad, for the first time ever. I am sad and some how kind of proud. While I have no bread to make toast I am unconsciously lowering my carbohydrate intake. But I am still pretty bummed about it.

Anti-Smoking Cronicles

Well, another weekend down, still hanging on to that wagon!I went to this D list Hollywood Hills Party with somethingcatchy ... way tragic! It was Tiger Heat at its finest... only on a hill... and all the minors could drink... yeah boo. I would never allow any of those kids into my house let alone feed them and let them use my bathroom. Me and my friend left early to get real drinks at the Abby, not before we chatted it up with this guy==>Is that Jonathan Bennett of Mean Girls... why yes it is.Ok, I didn't really talk to him, BUT I did talk with this guy who looked like him and I was tricked into a half an hour conversation with him. Sources still confirm the fact that JB was indeed there... I just got a bum steer.

I miss London!

I just want to go back to the UK. Colour: I miss you!Theatre: I miss you!Centre: I miss you the most!I miss Heaven and Popstars...I miss PRET!I miss Leather Lane...I miss Wine Gums!I miss HobNobs!